Happy news

Today’s entry is probably one of the most specials… My best friends, my soul mate, my sister and one of the loves of my life is in labor. I’ll kill to be by her side right now, sharing this moment. I have told you about her multiple times… She got married 5 years ago and since then she’s been going thru so much… She has been suffering anxiety attacks and depression. I’m honored to say we fought that together. 

I remember when I first realized I needed professional help but was so scare to go to a consultation… I told her and I didn’t even asked her, she said she’ll pick me up from work. And so she did. We walked together to the doctors, we waited patiently, she held my hand and waited for me outside. She’s been every step of my recovery process.

One of her sources of pain and anxiety was having a baby. Today she is having a baby. All of her fears are gone; she is exited and can’t wait to see his little face. Neither can I. So far she is only 6 cms, epidural on and trying to get some rest. I didn’t call and I’m trying not to disturb every 5 minutes but it’s really hard. 

I pray for her and her baby to be Ok. I know they will be but just in case I made sure she understood I was by her side and that I loved her. It made us cry, but those are happy tears, well deserved ones if you ask me. These tears are a gift, they prove you can make it through anything. You can kick depression and anxiety if you keep fighting. As it turns out they’re weaker than what you thought.

Grateful for

Things I’m grateful for:

1.- Falling sleep every night with my husband’s arms around me.

2.- Having the best girlfriend in the worlds about to become a mother. I’m dying to meet baby-bean as she calls him and to see the extraordinary mum she’s going to be. She makes me proud for so many reasons.

3.- Knowing my mum is only a phone call away and also a plane ride away.

4.- Being able to seat by the sea during my lunch break.

5.- Work, an exciting one, and having an everyday purpose in life.

 

Rocks and Cords

I'm a big fan of the tv show 2 broke girls. It's one of the few shows that makes me laugh and not just smile. In one of the episodes Sophie (acted out by Jennifer Coolidge -also known as Stifler's mom-) tells Max (interpreted by the super hot Kate Dennings) she was like a balloon being attached to a rock that wouldn't let her fly and be the best version of her. To Sophie that rock was Caroline and Max was supposed to cut that cord in order to prosper and be happier.

Although I couldn't disagree more in this case, those two are mutual support systems, I've seen balloons unable to fly because of rocks in real life. Rocks that might be holding us back for a good reason or for no reason, forever or just for a few days…

It comes a moment in your life were your circle of friends becomes more and more exclusive. You learn the distinction between real friends and a walking by person. I think it's because you know yourself better, you have -they have- tested your friendship, and at some point you had to decide who will stay in your life. 

This process was very painful. I used to have a very good friend but I guess we grew up and didn't want to realize it. We turned out so different... We tried to hold on to each other but he was forced, nothing felt organic or natural around us anymore. We tried talking about it; make an effort to stay close. We couldn't do it, we said goodbye although we see each other quite often we know we are better off. I'm surprise I can even write about it. I cried so much over this process...Regardless, it was the best decision I could make. I run into her from time to time, we are very polite but we don't like to pretend so we go in a different way after hellos. 

My point is, don't let people control your life or worst, suck the life out of you. People can be exhausting so think if they are worth crying for. Is your friendship a give and take? Is it balanced? If the answer is yes, fight for it. If not I'll say cut the cord. 

Special guest

Good morning!!!! How was your weekend?? Mine was excellent. A very dear friend of mine came visit with her husband and we had such a lovely time. Weather allowed us to pay visit to beautiful places around the city and we took advantage of it.

My friend is so inspiring... She has been fighting against anxiety for a long time. She got married five years ago, she did it with the fear of being the only one with an income. She is a nurse, and unfortunately she doesn't have a stable job. The hospital only signs contacts with employees for 6-12 months tops so she is is always concern the contract she is signing could be the last one.

Her husband lost his job, his family went bankcrupt and the possibility of finding a job with his education didn't seem so easy. But he is the kind of incapable of worrying which only increased the pressure over my friends shoulders.

She is a strong woman but at some point her body couldn't take the pressure anymore. Whenever she waving an anxiety attack she would think she was losing her mind until she realized she need it help. Professional help.

At first she decided she will only take the pills and refused therapy. She then realized taking the meds was only helping the panic episodes but not solving the problem behind it and started therapy. She went every two weeks, started to cut the doses month by month...

And then she went back to the beginning. She was upset she wasn't pregnant but could stand the idea of taking on such a big responsibility. She changed therapist and one day she texted me she was going to change her medication in order to make sure the meds won't hurt a baby, she wasn't pregnant then but it only took one month and then she was.

When she came on Friday her belly was already showing and the sadness and worry I could see in her eyes was suddenly gone. She has replaced that pain with happiness and hope. I know she has weak moments, don’t we all?

Mental illness is a constant fight I'm afraid but she is a living prove that we can do it! That you can do it!