Be active!

Hi guys! Things are very slow at work, which would be ok if I wasn’t counting every minute to leave and meet my friend’s baby!!! IT’s only making the day oh so long…  I can’t help of feeling like a auntie… It’s weird but I don’t remember being this excited with my brothers kids. I guess it’s partly because I was so young I wasn’t even aware… But also because of the role my friend has played in my recovery.

Thinking back I realize I didn’t have any bad days since I’m working here… My husband says it’s because I’m so tired know that my body is focused on staying awake. If that’s so, thank you body. The more I think about it the more I’m convinced it’s true… Actually I just had a flash, I remember my therapist saying whenever I felt the pain or the anxiety, change your focus on the pain, choose a different activity and just focus!! I turned that advice into something pretty cool… I took my calligraphy classes and sewing  machine classes, a blast! Not very helpful although I made my husband buy a machine… (it’s just that I need more classes!! I can’t make a dress to save my life, not even a hem… I just learned…well..to turned it on, which is the first step!!)) 

You can use this idea.. Take classes of something you think you might like, get involved!

Pretty me

Let me start with a song: “I am not a pretty girl that is not what I do. I’m no damsel in distress and I don’t need to be rescued”. 

I used to be a chubby, smart little girl. My parents although they had their concerns about my weight always focused on the importance of education. Since I was little I took extracurricular activities in order to become an intelligent person in the future. I hope it doesn’t sound tacky but I think I did well on that field and became an intelligent, interesting person to talk to. And it was because I worked hard. It also happened that I’m kind of cute…

To some, being pretty is a blessing; to me sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. Starting in college but mostly in my first job and even now I have to hear my colleagues making stupid assumptions. I remember one day I had hearing in court, I knew it will be tough because I had a lot of petitions  but I was ready, I had done my job and I could answer any questions and fight till I get want we needed in order to win this case. I had to face a very unprofessional judge who kept smiling at me, flirting with me before and after the hearing… But truly kept it serious during the hearing and I had to fight but he finally granted his permission to our demands.

When I came back to the office I explained my girl-colleagues how unprofessional this guy was before and after the hearing. The answer of one of them bugged me so much… “awesome, you manage to get it because your hot, good for you. I wish I could use my body to get people to agree on things”. The truth is I never thought he agreed to my petitions because he was interested on me until she said that. I told her her assumption bugged me and she couldn’t understand why it was so unsettling, she saw beauty as an asset. I do to but I don’t give a damn about external beauty, I’m more concern about what’s inside.

You might think I’m over reacting but I assure you this is not a onetime thing, it’s been like this for a long time. I could tell you about how an English colleague on his 70’s wrote a note for 86 lawyers about how meeting me was the most wonderful thing it happened to him and that the memory of me sipping a beer we’ll always accompany him… He didn’t mention a word on the article I had written… so it still bothers me sometimes. 

Today I went for coffee with the guys. They feel very free to say anything about everything in front of me and I appreciate that. Today the conversation was about how our the women at our firm were bug ugly, except me “of course, that’s out of the question, but you know that”. Right, because what you’re looking for in a lawyer is how pretty damn good he/she looks… Jesus!! You should see how (not) handsome these guys are. Funny, yes, smart, very, sexy hell no. And that’s ok for them, but not ok when it comes to us girls. 

Because you know, we have to be smart, pretty but not a lot so they won’t question why we manage to win a case, our nails and outfits should match at all times, must keep up with the news, the names of the clients and their nephews and at the same time make sure your being a great colleague and you remember the names of their wives, kids, dogs and where they were born.  

work and presents

There’s something worst than being held hostage during August at the office… Being held hostage and ALONE… J Nah, it’s just things are getting slow in here, it’s always the same with litigation teams because courts are closed during august therefore I find myself pretty unoccupied from time to time and listen this, I have to report what I do all 7 hours I’m at the office… So I should add a note on the report saying I spent time updating my blog, right, let’s see how that goes with human resources…

As we are getting closer to our first year wedding anniversary I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the present I’ll give to my man… And I found the perfect gift, which I will tell you more about it once he gets it. I don’t want to ruin the surprise in case he founds the blog. Yes, he knows I have a blog, that I use it as an escape and he understand that in order to feel free to write whatever goes thru my head he shouldn’t read it… 

Anyway, back to the present… Being the first year I wanted something special. I’m all about investing on experiences, like the trip I told you yesterday about, but for this special occasion I wanted him to have something just for him and something he will be able to use for life. I don’t know how I came up with the idea but I hope he will be as excited as I am for it myself. 

Bye guys, I’m going back to work!

Grateful for

Things I’m grateful for:

1.- Falling sleep every night with my husband’s arms around me.

2.- Having the best girlfriend in the worlds about to become a mother. I’m dying to meet baby-bean as she calls him and to see the extraordinary mum she’s going to be. She makes me proud for so many reasons.

3.- Knowing my mum is only a phone call away and also a plane ride away.

4.- Being able to seat by the sea during my lunch break.

5.- Work, an exciting one, and having an everyday purpose in life.

 

Apologies

I owe you an apologie I've been so tied up in work that I neglected the blog. The blog that has been part of my self treatment, a place where I can be honest about everything and put into words tips to make things better..

I woke up every morning excited about the challenges I'll be facing at work and that is the most amazing thing that could happen to me. Guys need more time to feel comfortable around me, but they'll get to it. I also need a few adjustments so it's all good, we'll give it more time. 

I hope someday you will find something like this, a challenge, a reason to get up every morning, excited for what's to come..

The power of music

Have you forgotten about the power of music?! Put you headphones on, play your favorite song and it will wake you up immediately and it will change the mood of the day. It will work for sure!! No sad songs allowed, only those that make you wanna dance.

There are says when coffee is not enough.. 😊😊😊

Realizations

It wasn't until Friday by the end of the day that I started on a brief that contained a lot of research and writing. Doing the research I kept thinking how things didn't change much from the things I was doing at the other office except for the crazy schedule, the lack of healthy food and not seeing my husband.

Then I started typing my file conclusions. It felt so good.. I was enjoying every word of it. The time I spent on the writing felt like minutes, seconds... I was doing what I love. The moaning transformed into happiness I was being proud and enjoying being a lawyer.

I don't know how long it will last (the feeling or the job) but I intend to make the most of it. Learn, grow, enjoy the beautiful things, avoid focusing on the bad stuff and keep on walking.

Have a good one!

New beginnings

Hello there!! I've been working at the new firm for five days. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt because they are not very friendly.. They're all men, being the only woman I'm walking on eggshells in order to not hurt any sensibilities. I wish someone had stopped for a minute to explain how things work. I'm figuring out myself but it's taking longer... Schedule is crazy and every single minute of the day has to be explain in a data base in order to control if we are being productive. 

Oh well!! Beginnings are always hard. What really keeps me going is knowing how proud my dad is of me. I just feel it. 

Have a great day guys!!

Update

Hi guys!! I'm enjoying a few days back at home with my mother and friends. I'm trying to squeeze every single minute before going back to work.. Because starting the day after tomorrow basically means not having summer holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with that but I wish I had more days to be able to get a little rest before hell week. 

I'm not being negative, but beginnings are generally complicated. Being the new kid at school it's always stressing, learning the names, meeting new people, figure out who your lunch date will be... Finding out about how they get organized... Get used to that... It can be overwhelming! 

My intention, since I start on Thursday, is gather all this information an assuming it all during the weekend. 

I'll let you know how my first day goes!!

Insecurity

Feelings after the amazing news are confusing. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I can't wait to go back to stressful life making money for the family, feeling important and relevant again. But in the back of my head there is this small voice called Insecurity making me wonder... Will I be good enough? I'm trying not to listen but it is a grey could over my head I have to say.

And I need to buy shoes, you know? And a dress! Mandatory! God I'm such a girl!

Big smiles

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm really happy to announce I'll be joining the firm next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

It's been a crazy, confusing, annoying, complicated, rough road but it's finally here. My effort and the tears are worth it. This is just another step. I know the job will be very very intense but I'm ready. 

Thanks for all your support and love along the way. This is just the beginnig so I'm hoping you will keep me company in the following months. 

Update

And the call came down the line. They made an offer. So far totally shitty but we are negotiating. I'll keep you posted!

The call

I wish the jerks from the dreamy law firm didn't call last week to ask if I was interested in the firm... They say they will call me back in the following days. A week after I'm waiting, checking my phone every few minutes. And my email. I think if they reject me they will send me and email instead of calling. 

At this point I'm trying to remain calm but it's too much I think. The exam tomorrow, the stupid call... I think if THEY were interested they would have call by now but the possitive person in me keeps saying things in my ear. I hope they will make me an offer. I don't think they could find anyone more willing to work, appreciate the opportunity and invested in a project. 

Their call could change our lives. It will take so much pressure of my shoulders... It's taking to long to come...