Be active!

Hi guys! Things are very slow at work, which would be ok if I wasn’t counting every minute to leave and meet my friend’s baby!!! IT’s only making the day oh so long…  I can’t help of feeling like a auntie… It’s weird but I don’t remember being this excited with my brothers kids. I guess it’s partly because I was so young I wasn’t even aware… But also because of the role my friend has played in my recovery.

Thinking back I realize I didn’t have any bad days since I’m working here… My husband says it’s because I’m so tired know that my body is focused on staying awake. If that’s so, thank you body. The more I think about it the more I’m convinced it’s true… Actually I just had a flash, I remember my therapist saying whenever I felt the pain or the anxiety, change your focus on the pain, choose a different activity and just focus!! I turned that advice into something pretty cool… I took my calligraphy classes and sewing  machine classes, a blast! Not very helpful although I made my husband buy a machine… (it’s just that I need more classes!! I can’t make a dress to save my life, not even a hem… I just learned…well..to turned it on, which is the first step!!)) 

You can use this idea.. Take classes of something you think you might like, get involved!

Pretty me

Let me start with a song: “I am not a pretty girl that is not what I do. I’m no damsel in distress and I don’t need to be rescued”. 

I used to be a chubby, smart little girl. My parents although they had their concerns about my weight always focused on the importance of education. Since I was little I took extracurricular activities in order to become an intelligent person in the future. I hope it doesn’t sound tacky but I think I did well on that field and became an intelligent, interesting person to talk to. And it was because I worked hard. It also happened that I’m kind of cute…

To some, being pretty is a blessing; to me sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. Starting in college but mostly in my first job and even now I have to hear my colleagues making stupid assumptions. I remember one day I had hearing in court, I knew it will be tough because I had a lot of petitions  but I was ready, I had done my job and I could answer any questions and fight till I get want we needed in order to win this case. I had to face a very unprofessional judge who kept smiling at me, flirting with me before and after the hearing… But truly kept it serious during the hearing and I had to fight but he finally granted his permission to our demands.

When I came back to the office I explained my girl-colleagues how unprofessional this guy was before and after the hearing. The answer of one of them bugged me so much… “awesome, you manage to get it because your hot, good for you. I wish I could use my body to get people to agree on things”. The truth is I never thought he agreed to my petitions because he was interested on me until she said that. I told her her assumption bugged me and she couldn’t understand why it was so unsettling, she saw beauty as an asset. I do to but I don’t give a damn about external beauty, I’m more concern about what’s inside.

You might think I’m over reacting but I assure you this is not a onetime thing, it’s been like this for a long time. I could tell you about how an English colleague on his 70’s wrote a note for 86 lawyers about how meeting me was the most wonderful thing it happened to him and that the memory of me sipping a beer we’ll always accompany him… He didn’t mention a word on the article I had written… so it still bothers me sometimes. 

Today I went for coffee with the guys. They feel very free to say anything about everything in front of me and I appreciate that. Today the conversation was about how our the women at our firm were bug ugly, except me “of course, that’s out of the question, but you know that”. Right, because what you’re looking for in a lawyer is how pretty damn good he/she looks… Jesus!! You should see how (not) handsome these guys are. Funny, yes, smart, very, sexy hell no. And that’s ok for them, but not ok when it comes to us girls. 

Because you know, we have to be smart, pretty but not a lot so they won’t question why we manage to win a case, our nails and outfits should match at all times, must keep up with the news, the names of the clients and their nephews and at the same time make sure your being a great colleague and you remember the names of their wives, kids, dogs and where they were born.  

work and presents

There’s something worst than being held hostage during August at the office… Being held hostage and ALONE… J Nah, it’s just things are getting slow in here, it’s always the same with litigation teams because courts are closed during august therefore I find myself pretty unoccupied from time to time and listen this, I have to report what I do all 7 hours I’m at the office… So I should add a note on the report saying I spent time updating my blog, right, let’s see how that goes with human resources…

As we are getting closer to our first year wedding anniversary I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the present I’ll give to my man… And I found the perfect gift, which I will tell you more about it once he gets it. I don’t want to ruin the surprise in case he founds the blog. Yes, he knows I have a blog, that I use it as an escape and he understand that in order to feel free to write whatever goes thru my head he shouldn’t read it… 

Anyway, back to the present… Being the first year I wanted something special. I’m all about investing on experiences, like the trip I told you yesterday about, but for this special occasion I wanted him to have something just for him and something he will be able to use for life. I don’t know how I came up with the idea but I hope he will be as excited as I am for it myself. 

Bye guys, I’m going back to work!

Apologies

I owe you an apologie I've been so tied up in work that I neglected the blog. The blog that has been part of my self treatment, a place where I can be honest about everything and put into words tips to make things better..

I woke up every morning excited about the challenges I'll be facing at work and that is the most amazing thing that could happen to me. Guys need more time to feel comfortable around me, but they'll get to it. I also need a few adjustments so it's all good, we'll give it more time. 

I hope someday you will find something like this, a challenge, a reason to get up every morning, excited for what's to come..

The power of music

Have you forgotten about the power of music?! Put you headphones on, play your favorite song and it will wake you up immediately and it will change the mood of the day. It will work for sure!! No sad songs allowed, only those that make you wanna dance.

There are says when coffee is not enough.. 😊😊😊

Realizations

It wasn't until Friday by the end of the day that I started on a brief that contained a lot of research and writing. Doing the research I kept thinking how things didn't change much from the things I was doing at the other office except for the crazy schedule, the lack of healthy food and not seeing my husband.

Then I started typing my file conclusions. It felt so good.. I was enjoying every word of it. The time I spent on the writing felt like minutes, seconds... I was doing what I love. The moaning transformed into happiness I was being proud and enjoying being a lawyer.

I don't know how long it will last (the feeling or the job) but I intend to make the most of it. Learn, grow, enjoy the beautiful things, avoid focusing on the bad stuff and keep on walking.

Have a good one!

New beginnings

Hello there!! I've been working at the new firm for five days. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt because they are not very friendly.. They're all men, being the only woman I'm walking on eggshells in order to not hurt any sensibilities. I wish someone had stopped for a minute to explain how things work. I'm figuring out myself but it's taking longer... Schedule is crazy and every single minute of the day has to be explain in a data base in order to control if we are being productive. 

Oh well!! Beginnings are always hard. What really keeps me going is knowing how proud my dad is of me. I just feel it. 

Have a great day guys!!

Update

Hi guys!! I'm enjoying a few days back at home with my mother and friends. I'm trying to squeeze every single minute before going back to work.. Because starting the day after tomorrow basically means not having summer holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with that but I wish I had more days to be able to get a little rest before hell week. 

I'm not being negative, but beginnings are generally complicated. Being the new kid at school it's always stressing, learning the names, meeting new people, figure out who your lunch date will be... Finding out about how they get organized... Get used to that... It can be overwhelming! 

My intention, since I start on Thursday, is gather all this information an assuming it all during the weekend. 

I'll let you know how my first day goes!!

Insecurity

Feelings after the amazing news are confusing. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I can't wait to go back to stressful life making money for the family, feeling important and relevant again. But in the back of my head there is this small voice called Insecurity making me wonder... Will I be good enough? I'm trying not to listen but it is a grey could over my head I have to say.

And I need to buy shoes, you know? And a dress! Mandatory! God I'm such a girl!

Big smiles

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm really happy to announce I'll be joining the firm next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

It's been a crazy, confusing, annoying, complicated, rough road but it's finally here. My effort and the tears are worth it. This is just another step. I know the job will be very very intense but I'm ready. 

Thanks for all your support and love along the way. This is just the beginnig so I'm hoping you will keep me company in the following months. 

Update

And the call came down the line. They made an offer. So far totally shitty but we are negotiating. I'll keep you posted!

The call

I wish the jerks from the dreamy law firm didn't call last week to ask if I was interested in the firm... They say they will call me back in the following days. A week after I'm waiting, checking my phone every few minutes. And my email. I think if they reject me they will send me and email instead of calling. 

At this point I'm trying to remain calm but it's too much I think. The exam tomorrow, the stupid call... I think if THEY were interested they would have call by now but the possitive person in me keeps saying things in my ear. I hope they will make me an offer. I don't think they could find anyone more willing to work, appreciate the opportunity and invested in a project. 

Their call could change our lives. It will take so much pressure of my shoulders... It's taking to long to come...

SPORT !

I'm expecting a call from the law firm I had the job interview a couple of weeks ago so I take my phone everywhere I go, I never turn it off and every time it rings my heart stops for a second (then I see it's my mother and my heartbeat goes back to normal)...

I'm trying to stay busy, and I am! I'm working on my current law firm website update, my driver’s license and I'm going to the gym every day. Yeah I decided it will be part of my "building an awesome life" have a slightly better body. I know it will never be a killer body; I never had even when I was a member of the national fencing team and trained for 2 hours every single day, even on the weekends. So that's that for expectations on my body but even if all the exercise I do doesn't change my body I've already told you it changes my humor. 

Sport has the ability of making you happy, apparently because of endorphins or whatever (I'm not a doctor, I don't like them I don't really want to know about chemical reactions inside my brain...) And it's addictive! Seriously, I bet if you start you won't be able to stop!! You might even feel the need of trying new sports. I'm not going to lie, my muscles are seriously sore but this muscular pain makes me feel good and I embrace it. 

Overwhelmed

Oh my... Today is the kind of day that makes you extra grateful. It was the first time I visited prison. As a lawyer you are supposed to assist your client there but I have never been there before mostly because my specialties are civil and commercial law. 

As I entered the prison walls I was trying to remain calmed although I was completely overwhelmed. I guess I wasn't prepare... I found our client, shaking; I don't know if it was because of how cold it was or the lack of drug in her body. She was kind, educated and had a looooooong record. I thought about giving her my scarf but I red before joining her in her cell that her boyfriend tried to take his own life with a towel and didn't want to take any risk. 

In her record shit I also found out no one came to pick up her stuff when her boyfriend had his mum... It made me feel sad for her. How did you find yourself into that? I can't imagine... 

The second part of my day didn't get much better. The second client was an 18 year old boy... He confessed so nothing much to do about his case but we got to talk. The dad was missing, her mum had a second kid the second husband also left, her grandmother was feeding and taking care of all three. He was mostly ashamed... He couldn't look at me in the eyes, they set him free again and I couldn't help of thinking again about the first girl, she will be spending that night in jail. For a reason. But, in jail... 

At some point that girl had to make a choice between committing a crime and risk a few years of her life in jail or stay where she was and somehow she preferred taking the risk rather than staying where she was. Can you imagine how desperate she was? Today I learned to be grateful for being free. Because at some point we all had the choice... Being good or choosing the wrong path and ending in a bad place... I'm grateful because I always had a support system giving me in in the dark... 

Job interviews

I didn't get much sleep last night. I kept waking up every 20-30 minutes thinking I was going to be late for a job interview, 2º in two months. The interview will take place in a city 30 minutes away from where I'm living and after carefull considerations I decided to take the bus because I noticed last time the train got there late and I didn't wanted to take any chances. 

The bus left on time, I was feeling great. Pretty calmed after repeating to me for hours it wasn't a big deal. All my Zen went out the window when I saw the bus station sooooo far away from down town and I only had 30 minutes to get there...on hills...I panicked and jumped into a cab (shit people! I'm on a budget here!). 

I got there on time, happy and excited. The building was amazing, beautifully renovated keeping the right parts of the old construction. The Office seemed great, clean, elegant... The interview will take place by webcam, I sat down, took my papers out, got mentally prepared and suddenly...noises everywhere, they were protesting in front of a bank. It was very annoying and hard to understand what they were saying but I managed just fine. At the end of the interview she wanted to check on my English skills (English is not my maternal language which I'm sure it's something you had already picked up on). Oh my! For some reason whenever I switch to English I need to turn the volume up... I couldn't hear a thing!! Luckily she didn't take it as some random excuse to avoid speaking in English and she decided to call the office and continue by phone. 

Long story short... I left there happy and relaxed. She said she will give her feed back to the office manager and let me know if they were interested on having a second interview. She call me just a few hours later, I'm having that meeting on Wednesday. If they like me...no no no no no... No ifs... I'm going to work hard on the interview and be myself. I hope I can find a place to learn and grow. 

Business woman

Hola!!!! My day started early today, I went to the hospital for my blood test. I went with my husband because he has been pushing his doctor appointments for too long. I am nooooot the kind of wife who likes to annoy her men about it mostly because if I could never go back to a doctor I will probably be the happiest woman on earth. 

No, really, doctors are fine. My fear has nothing to do with the way they treat you, although some of them should learn to drop big news softer. I have come across the sweetest docs and the rough ones. I'm mostly afraid of bad news. I guess I have become a pessimist, I already mentioned whenever I go to the doctor I expect them to say "you have cancer"...

Anyway! Besides my medical stuff I'm busy designing the office's new website. They had an ugly old one and I convince my colleague they needed to updated it because after all a website is a lot of times the first impression people have of a business. I'm happy to be in charge, I have always wanted to do it and I think it will be helpful in case I decide to go ahead and start my own business. 

I've been thinking about opening my own business for a long time... Not having the job of your dreams makes you think a lot and I realized I might have to create it if it doesn't exist. I thought about opening my own business it for a long time, I started pitching my idea... I was making sure I wasn't making any bad choices from the beginning... And yesterday I had a craaaaaazy idea that I think will allow to make more money [PAUSE FOR EXCITEMENT]

Ok, I used my pause not only to do the victory dance but to check the cost of my super new idea and tonight I will pitch my idea to my husband and start it tomorrow! YAY!!!!! Stay tune for big exciting news!!!!!

[I swear I’m not nuts, just hopeful and it’s such a nice feeling]

Me, right now!

The power of the high heel

Hello there!! Today I'm wearing high heels... YEAH! I'm feeling powerfull yet sexy (power and sexyness a lot of time seem to be oposites, please refer to any picture of Angela Merkel).

To be honest... Considering how cold it is and the kind of job I'm doing I might as well be wearing jeans and uggs. However, I decided to spice things up with my outfits. Why? Because it is a fact the way we dress tells a lot about a person. And I'm tired of my look saying looooooooser. 

I have also heard you should dress for the job you want and I want a cool job. The kind of job that will require high heels... Shallow? I don't think so. Let me ask you something, are you going to tell me that you rather go to a sad grey boring dressed arquitecht than to a hip cool trending looking one? 

Now, I'm not nuts. I know by dressing cooler I won't get a job but there is also a psycological component to it. Taking care of how you look like means you actually care about yourself. It's not about the way others see you, but the relationship you have with yourself. 

I will define my relationship with myself as complicated and I'm speaking about the looks and the inside. There are days I kindda like me, others I wish my elevator didn't have a miror (the problem is that this usually shows...). But I'm hoping that by trying to look nicer, even if it's just externally might stick and stay.