Exboyfriends (Part II)

During that time I was looking for a suitable roommate. I found the perfect person who happened to be a guy. When I told him he went nuts and said he “forbid me to move with him”. So I immediately called my new roommate to treat him to dinner. I remembered right then and there what it was like been his girlfriend, the person I was when I was with him… And I refused to go back.

The call was awful. I kept blaming myself for not being face to face saying those words, he deserved better. I asked him not to come, I offered to pay him the ticket he had bought… It was awful, just awful. Now I understand there is no pleasant breakup when someone’s feelings are involved. It doesn’t really matter if it’s you braking up or they are breaking up with you, trust me, I’ve been in both sides.

You can imagine, after three years we shared a lot of friends and they couldn’t understand my reasons which made me think I was going to loose him and my friends during this process. Truth be told I became closer with my real friends, lost the bad ones and most importantly I found myself. A happy self, complete self… It was hard.. It took me time to realize I wasn’t depending on anyone and anyone was depending on me. At first solitude was disturbing and after it was much appreciated. 

It didn’t take me too long to fall in love again. I met Miguel in Paris, Someone put him in that specific place in Paris. At first none of us expected anything from the other… The distance, the age difference… But with him it all seemed easy, comfortable, safe. The love of my life, my companion for life, my rock, my dear husband… 

Sorry if it’s too corny. I want you to understand that even if breakups are terrible and there’s a lot of pain involved it can only turn into something great because that person isn’t the love of your life and you deserve nothing but that.

Happy news

Today’s entry is probably one of the most specials… My best friends, my soul mate, my sister and one of the loves of my life is in labor. I’ll kill to be by her side right now, sharing this moment. I have told you about her multiple times… She got married 5 years ago and since then she’s been going thru so much… She has been suffering anxiety attacks and depression. I’m honored to say we fought that together. 

I remember when I first realized I needed professional help but was so scare to go to a consultation… I told her and I didn’t even asked her, she said she’ll pick me up from work. And so she did. We walked together to the doctors, we waited patiently, she held my hand and waited for me outside. She’s been every step of my recovery process.

One of her sources of pain and anxiety was having a baby. Today she is having a baby. All of her fears are gone; she is exited and can’t wait to see his little face. Neither can I. So far she is only 6 cms, epidural on and trying to get some rest. I didn’t call and I’m trying not to disturb every 5 minutes but it’s really hard. 

I pray for her and her baby to be Ok. I know they will be but just in case I made sure she understood I was by her side and that I loved her. It made us cry, but those are happy tears, well deserved ones if you ask me. These tears are a gift, they prove you can make it through anything. You can kick depression and anxiety if you keep fighting. As it turns out they’re weaker than what you thought.

Grateful for

Things I’m grateful for:

1.- Falling sleep every night with my husband’s arms around me.

2.- Having the best girlfriend in the worlds about to become a mother. I’m dying to meet baby-bean as she calls him and to see the extraordinary mum she’s going to be. She makes me proud for so many reasons.

3.- Knowing my mum is only a phone call away and also a plane ride away.

4.- Being able to seat by the sea during my lunch break.

5.- Work, an exciting one, and having an everyday purpose in life.

 

Realizations

It wasn't until Friday by the end of the day that I started on a brief that contained a lot of research and writing. Doing the research I kept thinking how things didn't change much from the things I was doing at the other office except for the crazy schedule, the lack of healthy food and not seeing my husband.

Then I started typing my file conclusions. It felt so good.. I was enjoying every word of it. The time I spent on the writing felt like minutes, seconds... I was doing what I love. The moaning transformed into happiness I was being proud and enjoying being a lawyer.

I don't know how long it will last (the feeling or the job) but I intend to make the most of it. Learn, grow, enjoy the beautiful things, avoid focusing on the bad stuff and keep on walking.

Have a good one!