Certificates and stupid questions

Oh, Am I pissed..?!?! I've never been treated like that before... Let me explain, you will understand. Before you can get your driver’s license you need a doctor to analyze if you might have any kind of physical or psychological which will make you unsuitable for driving. 

One of the questions was if I had visited a psychiatrist or psychologist in the last 5 years, I answered yes because it's true and because I'm not ashamed. I needed help, it was very painful to admit it but I did it and somehow, even before going to the doctor my cured had started just by asking for help. The woman went crazy, all alarms went off, they put me in a separate room and they had I psychologist asking questions about how often I wanted to kill myself. 

I was released from treatment 11 months ago. It was hard, it was (as it is now) a fight but I manage to do it. Even in the deepest moments I never had the intention of killing myself, not even once. She made me go back to that time where getting out of bed was painful and honestly I don't think it was necessary. They made me feel weak, and ashamed... But only for a minute. 

I decided I wasn't going to give them the power of ruining my day, of ruining the experience of getting my driver’s license, which is something I'm enjoying a lot. Having a psychological decease is not something to be ashamed off. I believe there is still a stigma about psychological deceases. Absurd, isn't it? I don't think I'm any different from any other person with a physical condition... We both needed doctors, meds, support... 

I left with the freaking certificate but I'm never going back there. 

Money, power and papers....

My brother was on the papers today. He is currently working in a great possition, awesome enough to be on the papers... I am proud of him, so proud... But I can't ignore a strange feeling, some might say I'm jelous, I'm not... It's just that we've been having money issues with my dad's inheritance and he didn't help at all. At all. And it's so clear that he could have helped...

I wonder why you want all that power, all that money if you can't use it to make the life of people around you better, or easier... To me it's sad...

On a different note my wisdom teeth are killing me!! I actually had a dream where I begged the dentist to pull them out already and I have a patological fear of dentist!!! The antibiotics have kicked in and I can open my mouth a few more centimetres but it stel hurts when I swallow. 

My husband will take care of me after the intervention, and I'm scared!!! His deffinition of taking care is making me laugh but it hurts!! Last night he couldn't help himself and I kept asking him to stop... I gotta love him for being like that. Although I might kill during the weekend, I'll let you know!

Take care!!

Special guest

Good morning!!!! How was your weekend?? Mine was excellent. A very dear friend of mine came visit with her husband and we had such a lovely time. Weather allowed us to pay visit to beautiful places around the city and we took advantage of it.

My friend is so inspiring... She has been fighting against anxiety for a long time. She got married five years ago, she did it with the fear of being the only one with an income. She is a nurse, and unfortunately she doesn't have a stable job. The hospital only signs contacts with employees for 6-12 months tops so she is is always concern the contract she is signing could be the last one.

Her husband lost his job, his family went bankcrupt and the possibility of finding a job with his education didn't seem so easy. But he is the kind of incapable of worrying which only increased the pressure over my friends shoulders.

She is a strong woman but at some point her body couldn't take the pressure anymore. Whenever she waving an anxiety attack she would think she was losing her mind until she realized she need it help. Professional help.

At first she decided she will only take the pills and refused therapy. She then realized taking the meds was only helping the panic episodes but not solving the problem behind it and started therapy. She went every two weeks, started to cut the doses month by month...

And then she went back to the beginning. She was upset she wasn't pregnant but could stand the idea of taking on such a big responsibility. She changed therapist and one day she texted me she was going to change her medication in order to make sure the meds won't hurt a baby, she wasn't pregnant then but it only took one month and then she was.

When she came on Friday her belly was already showing and the sadness and worry I could see in her eyes was suddenly gone. She has replaced that pain with happiness and hope. I know she has weak moments, don’t we all?

Mental illness is a constant fight I'm afraid but she is a living prove that we can do it! That you can do it!