Anxiety avoidance tip

Sometimes life isn't fair. But today I'm not gonna think about it, I'm going to focus on going back home for the weekend. I can't wait to have that warm feeling when entering the house where I grew up in. All the memories that sets on every room.I might let myself be nostalgic, just for the weekend. I'll take the train, enjoy the yummy sandwiches, read my book, annoy my husband while he sleeps... And hug my mother very closely. 

Anxiety can come from different situations, a job interview, an exam, a social situation, having to leave again at the end of the weekend the house you grew up in and where everything is beautiful and organized and where you don't need to explain every penny you spend... I find it usefull in this cases to do the mental exercise I just did, imaging you are in fact in that moment. How you will arrive to the place, what kind of questions they can ask you, the type of situation you might get yourself into... even the face of the persons, what you will be wearing... Recreate the details of the event that creates the anxious feeling.

It's possible that only by thinking about it it will make you nervious, well good. That way you will avoid that feeling when the event takes place because in your head you will have lived that situation before. It will make it easier and less scary. It only takes a few minutes, concentrate, recreate the situation in an enviroment that makes you feel safe. I assure you when the event comes it will less awkward, scary and unexpected.

Long talks

At pretty much the same time I was pressing "publish" for the last post I realized I needed a looooong conversation with my husband. Where's the point of writing this down and live it to no use? So that's how we spend our evening. It wasn't the most pleasant time, but it felt so great to lift that pain off my shoulders. We shared things that were making our marriage suck and made the commitment of working on the things that are annoying about us. What we said to each other, might be hurtful but we were careful to use a regular tone (no screaming allowed) bad words were left aside and everything we said was because it had to be said. 

We started by exposing what things were bothering us. Then the other had a moment to answer to those "accusations" and finally we moved on to possible solutions. They were tears, I cry all the time, sometimes for no reason. But it had to be said, we needed to say those things, it was a burden slowing us up. 

It is my believe that getting married is a forever commitment so every problem, every fight is something we are forced to overcome. We know none of us thinks about jumping the boat under any circumstance so there is a double consequence: the sense of security and a huge responsibility. Sense of security because you know you can screw it up because he has my back. This only works if it's equal for both parties. And the huge responsibility of being the best version of yourself in order to avoid making each others life hell. 

Today he cooked for me, I cooked for him. We laughed and kissed. 

Fooooood

What helps you when you are sad? In my case it used to be sports, then eating and then shopping depending on how old I was. If I only had money... So I'm eating like a crazy person... So I'm getting fat as we speak... And I don't want to but I'm hopeless.. I'm wondering how I'll get out of this one...

Fashion bloggers

I love fashion. As you may know in the last years many bloggers have emerged and became life exhibitors of brands to sell and promote their items. I'm not going to lie, but I check their posts almost every day. Some of them are professional bloggers, meaning they get paid for showing items in their blogs, and they also get to keep the clothes. And sometimes bloggers sell the clothes and get extra cash.

I used to think fashion blogs are cool, they express a certain personality and allowed anyone to get ideas on how to dress. However, after seeing the way some bloggers have become a mere way of selling stuff it makes me wonder if the shirt the girl is wearing is really something daring, cool and something she will wear if she wasn't paid for. Us mere mortals, with a normal budget and not getting paid for wearing clothes can't afford to have the same closest they have so we have to choose, prioritize and be realistic with the money and space we have. 

Last week, being already pissed with one blogger for being extremely obvious she was wearing something she wouldn’t normally wear... I saw one of them posting a link of a website where she was selling her clothes. It had the price, the composition and how many times the item had been used before. Most of the things had only been used one time. And now is when I need to ask myself, is it even responsible to behave like that? I'm a grown up, I know I can't buy 7 outfits every day and I don't get frustrated (at least not all the time!) but they are sending a wrong message to the young girls out there... 

I understand in their case bloggers use their clothes as part of their work, fine... But by the way blogs are made, and also the way they are written and I guess is the reason why they are so popular is because they are meant to represent "the girl next door" (of course, the girl next door always looking adorable). What would a normal girl wear to class/work/party? And it turns out some of the blogs are not even about that anymore. I respect it has become a job, but let’s not pretend they are spontaneous or free or that they represent "the girl next door" because what we see know it's just a brand, paying a model, the blogger, to show their clothes.

Love me, love you!

Have you ever had a moment of revelation? I have... It was a month ago... I was talking about how upset I was about not being able to control myself when it came to criticism. I've been over criticizing people, sometimes for good reasons, some other times for no reason at all...

The person I was talking to asked if I was like that with myself. It took me a few seconds to answer yes... And the he said "if you don't see the beauty in you how do you expect to see beauty in the others"? This message is not about "love yourself and others will love you".... It's about "love yourself and you'll be able to love others". 

I remember when I was so depressed that I couldn't even bear listening to neither my mother’s voice nor my boyfriend’s (we weren't married back then)... The 2 persons I loved the most in the world and even their voices were upsetting... I was so hurt, I had lost my faith, and "hope" had disappeared from my vocabulary... Everything seemed ugly, shallow... "How the world keeps moving after what happened to my father? After what happened to this family? After what happened to me? Don't talk to me about clothes, art, music... don't kiss me, don't touch me..." I was destroyed, incapable of loving anything or anyone... 

It is so important to make an effort, exercise kindness, not only to others but with you. Please take a second a day to say something nice about how amazing your hair looks today or how adorable your hands are... I don't know, how smart you are, that great joke you’re said yesterday... Be thankful for what you are and love love loooove you in order to love the others better.

Lighthouses and laundry

I met my husband in Paris. It was my last year of college, he was visiting a friend. We spoke for 4 hours, when he tried to kiss me I panicked (I just ended a 3 year relationship and wasn't ready at all) but instead of running I listened to my gut and decided to meet him the day after for a walk around Montmartre. 

He had to go back to his life I was sure that was it for us. He sounded waaaay too good to be true, ironically he thought the same about me but he was ready to bet for us and convinced me and insisted to come back the next month. From that weekend it became very clear what we had could be something great so he invited me back to where he lived. Every time I went visit him we found a minute to visit a lighthouse and ended up in love with lighthouses. 

We love to visit lighthouses because they’re usually in remote places so most of the time we need to hike to get there so not only you get to enjoy the see at the end of the road but also the land, the trees and the sun on your way there. 

So yesterday we packed our lunch and grabbed our coats and reconnected with our old obsession. It was a great day; we saw 3 lighthouses, loved them and enjoyed the sun and the see. 

Today I went back to work (how uncool it is to work for free?) smiling. I forgot about my ebay misfortune and shitty situation... And as I was concentrating on walking with my high heels I received a call, they reestablished my ebay account and I was back in business. 

My suggestion for the day is go back to your basics. What used to make you happy? I found out this things are usually what we call "small things" such as taking photographs, read a good book, paint, write.... Simple things that we stop doing because we there aren't enough hours in a day. Find a moment and instead of doing laundry go for it! Dirty clothes can wait; make your happiness an obligation and a priority.