Big black dog

Have you seen the video about depression compared to a black dog? Here, highly recommended: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

Well for a couple of days my dog has been growing... And last night was bad. It was one of those nights when I was exhausted but I couldn't manage to fall sleep. All I was able to do was crying. I guess I'm overwhelmed by having left a decent job, moved to a different city where after 4 months I haven't met anyone, losing my economic independence and stability, feeling lost, alone, not appreciated, stupid, annoying... It started like that and then my head decided to go down memory lane and awful memories came to town.

I woke up feeling like shit (at least I managed to sleep 4 hours), got up, dressed up... I did everything in my "get better program" relating to external appearance: dress-nicely-wear-make-up (you know my theory on how external appearances might lead to change the way you fell inside)... Today it's not working. Someday I don't manage to make things work, It's one of those so at this point I'm just hoping it will go fast. 

Stay strong, Fight! 

Lighthouses and laundry

I met my husband in Paris. It was my last year of college, he was visiting a friend. We spoke for 4 hours, when he tried to kiss me I panicked (I just ended a 3 year relationship and wasn't ready at all) but instead of running I listened to my gut and decided to meet him the day after for a walk around Montmartre. 

He had to go back to his life I was sure that was it for us. He sounded waaaay too good to be true, ironically he thought the same about me but he was ready to bet for us and convinced me and insisted to come back the next month. From that weekend it became very clear what we had could be something great so he invited me back to where he lived. Every time I went visit him we found a minute to visit a lighthouse and ended up in love with lighthouses. 

We love to visit lighthouses because they’re usually in remote places so most of the time we need to hike to get there so not only you get to enjoy the see at the end of the road but also the land, the trees and the sun on your way there. 

So yesterday we packed our lunch and grabbed our coats and reconnected with our old obsession. It was a great day; we saw 3 lighthouses, loved them and enjoyed the sun and the see. 

Today I went back to work (how uncool it is to work for free?) smiling. I forgot about my ebay misfortune and shitty situation... And as I was concentrating on walking with my high heels I received a call, they reestablished my ebay account and I was back in business. 

My suggestion for the day is go back to your basics. What used to make you happy? I found out this things are usually what we call "small things" such as taking photographs, read a good book, paint, write.... Simple things that we stop doing because we there aren't enough hours in a day. Find a moment and instead of doing laundry go for it! Dirty clothes can wait; make your happiness an obligation and a priority.  

Doors, windows, Ebay

Have you ever heard the expression "when God shouts a door, He opens a window". Well, it doesn't apply to me. At all. Nothing. Zero. 

Do you remember how I was going to start my own business? Well I launched it and a couple of hours later they shot it down... I opened a selling account in ebay, invested time in research and making it nice... And they cancelled it and asked for all types of crazy documents... ID, prove of my home address, prove that I do own those things...

I honestly saw this possibily as a chance to provide for me and my husband and now there is a chance I will never be able to put my brilliant idea in practice. I'm waiting for Ebay answer, I obviously had all the documents but after doing some research they simply close it if they think they won't be making money from your adds. 

My intention was to pay for a premium account if it had any success... Ojjj... I'm so annoyed...

Allowing the others

I was driving back home with my husband today and he was very upset about a mistake I colleague made and ended up affecting him. He kept going on and on and on about how this will affect his credibility, how sure he was the client will leave... And I kept giving him what I thought were good solutions to the problems. To every solution he responded with a negative comment.

It was pretty obvious he didn't want to see a solution but I needed to make a little experiment (Hello, I'm Isabel and I'm a bad wife). I can assure I wasn't telling him how he is supposed to do his job, I know nothing about it, and all I was talking about was regarding costumer care and internal marketing. 

I presented an excellent plan for solving the whole thing which he quickly refused. I changed to subject to my blooming new business and all he had to say about it was negative (I took a pen to write everything down in order to avoid making any faux pas). My last attempt to keep the conversation flowing today was to say good things about him... how nice he is, how cute, how funny... He stopped me right there. I gave up and we made it home safely. 

The point of telling you about this is because some of you are also going thru raugh times and are feeling down, sad or you are dealing with depression. Sometimes all this things manage to make us forget that there is always a solution. Don't let fear or pain be the cloud hiding the sun. Don't allow tears blurry your goals. And in those days where the fear, the pain or the tears are wining the battle listen to the people around you, let their perspective pull you out of your misery by keeping an open mind.