Mind over body

I'm here! I'm here! Sorry! I've been busy with a new client and trying to stay calmed after getting a phone call from an interesting law firm asking if I was interested on working with them... I couldn't tell her I'm interested on working period. I'm not picky anymore! She said they still had a couple of candidates and they will let me know in the following days... Basically the call meant nothing; they are just considering hiring me, which I honestly knew before they called. So here I am, no news but hell-a-nervous.

So what I'm doing is basically trying to do is stay busy. Driving, organizing the house, exercising... And I guess it explains why I am soooooo tired. Because I am exhausted! And this weekend I won't be at home resting, we are visiting my in-laws. I wish we could postpone it but my father in law was given bad news regarding his health and I think being with him will comfort him. 

As a result of everything my neck is out, I can't really move it to the left. And my leg hurts, but it won't stop me from doing what I do. The neck situation is my body telling me my stress is unhealthy and the only way I know to control it is thru sports. And because of that my leg is out. My plan is to ignore everything and just keep going. I know they say you should listen to your body but in this case my soul needs something else, and I rather please my mind than my body. Your body can not get used to receive all he asks for... It's true for sugar cravings, hunger, and physical need of buying new shoes... But you can't give in to those! My mantra is *Mind over body* I learned it in my hot yoga class and I'm sticking to it!

Walls !

I used to think crying was a symptom of weakness. Then my life changed and I realized I wasn't able to control me and I would cry for the most unexpected reasons. I didn't cry with any movie, not even Bambi when I was a kid. After 2012 I discover Kleenex were a must when going to the movies. But it wasn't only the movies, it was everything. I guess I became a sensitive person, or that my show-feelings-control systems was shacked to a core. 

The thing is that working on rebuilding me I wanted to start again on my anti-cry wall but it turns out I couldn't. That was until yesterday. After all the emotions (and two failed attempts of killing my driver’s license teacher) I was feeling the anxiety attack coming, I could feel it in my stomach, my chest, my heart... So I immediately grabbed my sawing kit and start over a decoration project I had in mind in order to focus on something else. Then my husband made it home and all that pressure turned into the need of crying. 

I decided it was now or never. Crying will not express a feeling, the message was out, I wasn't even supposed to be sad! I really don't know how but I laid the first brick down, tiers stayed in for the night. In exchange I stayed up almost all night (I believe this is related not to the tiers thing but to the almost anxiety attack...) 

Rebuilding stuff is hard, but always keep in mind it is an opportunity to include all the changes you might need in order to live better.