The "I-Dont'-Care" lie

It's difficult to some to share their feelings. Sometimes it's because they're shy, or they think it's a sign ok weakness. I was in the first category, then my world turned upside-down and I can hardly find my feelings. When I was in therapy the doctor told me I had to make an effort to express things, apparently I'm (or was, IDK) the kind of person who puts everyone needs before others. I have made "I don't care" my mantra, not because I didn't really care but because I was fine doing what others wanted to do. 

For instance, when it came down to choose what personal belongings we wanted from my dad I let my brother and sister choose first. I told my therapist I was ok with it and she wasn't surprised. She asked me if we had something else to choose from, and I said the paintings. She gave me an assignment: I had to choose first. I couldn't. I realized right then that I didn't have control over my life; I was just leaving the way others made me do it. Was it to avoid conflict? To make everyone happy? If it's the first reason I'm screwed as a lawyer. If it's the second, I'm retarded. It's impossible to make everyone happy, someone always will not be ok with your decision or path or whatever. And how the hell will you make anyone happy if you’re miserable? So after careful considerations I made the list of the paintings I loved the most. Not because of the value but because they brought up memories (when I was decorating our home the first thing I putted up was a picture of my parents. I picture that I love so much, they look so happy and my dad was so handsome...). 

I understood that inheritances are painful, and sometimes material things might not seam important at that moment, but if you don't pay attention to those things there is a big chance that you'll regret it in the future. I want my future kids to have something from his grandfather so they can remember him.