Good news!

I'm happy to share with you guys that I'll be driving in a few days!!! YEAHHH I passed!!! What's also very exciting is that the law firm called on my way back from the test. They set up a meeting when I expect to talk about money with them and conditions for hiring me. So after hearing this many great news you can imagine how I'm feeling... I'm so happy I could cry. But I won't no no no this time just I'll just smile, embrace the moment and enjoy this beautiful day. 

And tonight, I'll celebrate with my husband. Yeap, that's right, he's taking me on a date. The best possible date includes fries and burgers and that's what I'll get. Remember guys, to celebrate everything worth celebrating. We will bump into some pretty bad things in our life so it's good to load up some positive energy and let the happiness rule our day! Celebrate good moments means to stop for a few hours and think about it. 

But it will be after my much needed SIESTA.

The call

I wish the jerks from the dreamy law firm didn't call last week to ask if I was interested in the firm... They say they will call me back in the following days. A week after I'm waiting, checking my phone every few minutes. And my email. I think if they reject me they will send me and email instead of calling. 

At this point I'm trying to remain calm but it's too much I think. The exam tomorrow, the stupid call... I think if THEY were interested they would have call by now but the possitive person in me keeps saying things in my ear. I hope they will make me an offer. I don't think they could find anyone more willing to work, appreciate the opportunity and invested in a project. 

Their call could change our lives. It will take so much pressure of my shoulders... It's taking to long to come...

Here and Now

Thank God it's Friday already!! I can't wait to wake up tomorrow at 11... Yeah, I'm a better person when a get a good night of sleep. Well, I heard we all are and it's true that generally we don't get enough sleep. The problem is we lack hours for doing all we are supposed to do in a day... 

Since they called me back from the lovely law firm I want to go work with called me it's not even a problem of finding the time but about keeping my mind quiet and focus on where she should be. It doesn't matter how tired I am if she is worried she won't let me sleep. My head can be a bitch because she will stay up and it might be it's not even to think about a solution it could be about saving the tropical forest, solving diplomatic problems or...pretty much everything. 

What I usually do is repeat one of my favorite Bikram Yoga Mantra Here and now. What I ask my mind to do is to be in the moment. It relates to the fact that sometimes we spend a lot of times thinking about the future, when it's not there yet and therefore we forget to enjoy the present. And others we obsess about the future, what will happened after and we forget to enjoy the present. And the problem is that by forgetting the present you can miss out on a lot: good or bad. 

And if you are going to say why would anyone like to live consciously a bad thing... I'll have to say because it's part of ours paths. Work for the day: assume and make peace with this. 

To care or not to care.

They say rough times either kill you or make you stronger. I can't tell what they're doing to me. This week is been intense, in two days I had people crying on the phone. Amazingly enough I felt nothing, I was mostly annoyed. When did this happen? I used to empathize with everyone around me. I guess you could consider it a problem sometimes because I couldn't help of feeling sorry and think about others people problems. But this "problem" was also a good thing, I was a good listener and it showed I cared (and that I had feelings).

Is it possible that I'm now immune to the suffering of the others? I hope not because the answer to my question will then have to be KILL. To me not caring about the others equals being dead inside (and I don't want to be dead!) No amount of suffering could make you forget that there are others also suffering. It's necessary to acknowledge that because if you don't you might become selfish and self-centered. 

After discussing this with my lovey-dovey he says it's probably because I'm getting used to do my job, I don't think it's a very good excuse. I think as part of my job I need to be able to stay connected to the people. But he's grateful I'm taking distance with other's people problems. 

Two points of view... But I need to feel good about myself so I'll work on it. 

Mind over body

I'm here! I'm here! Sorry! I've been busy with a new client and trying to stay calmed after getting a phone call from an interesting law firm asking if I was interested on working with them... I couldn't tell her I'm interested on working period. I'm not picky anymore! She said they still had a couple of candidates and they will let me know in the following days... Basically the call meant nothing; they are just considering hiring me, which I honestly knew before they called. So here I am, no news but hell-a-nervous.

So what I'm doing is basically trying to do is stay busy. Driving, organizing the house, exercising... And I guess it explains why I am soooooo tired. Because I am exhausted! And this weekend I won't be at home resting, we are visiting my in-laws. I wish we could postpone it but my father in law was given bad news regarding his health and I think being with him will comfort him. 

As a result of everything my neck is out, I can't really move it to the left. And my leg hurts, but it won't stop me from doing what I do. The neck situation is my body telling me my stress is unhealthy and the only way I know to control it is thru sports. And because of that my leg is out. My plan is to ignore everything and just keep going. I know they say you should listen to your body but in this case my soul needs something else, and I rather please my mind than my body. Your body can not get used to receive all he asks for... It's true for sugar cravings, hunger, and physical need of buying new shoes... But you can't give in to those! My mantra is *Mind over body* I learned it in my hot yoga class and I'm sticking to it!

Anxiety avoidance tip

Sometimes life isn't fair. But today I'm not gonna think about it, I'm going to focus on going back home for the weekend. I can't wait to have that warm feeling when entering the house where I grew up in. All the memories that sets on every room.I might let myself be nostalgic, just for the weekend. I'll take the train, enjoy the yummy sandwiches, read my book, annoy my husband while he sleeps... And hug my mother very closely. 

Anxiety can come from different situations, a job interview, an exam, a social situation, having to leave again at the end of the weekend the house you grew up in and where everything is beautiful and organized and where you don't need to explain every penny you spend... I find it usefull in this cases to do the mental exercise I just did, imaging you are in fact in that moment. How you will arrive to the place, what kind of questions they can ask you, the type of situation you might get yourself into... even the face of the persons, what you will be wearing... Recreate the details of the event that creates the anxious feeling.

It's possible that only by thinking about it it will make you nervious, well good. That way you will avoid that feeling when the event takes place because in your head you will have lived that situation before. It will make it easier and less scary. It only takes a few minutes, concentrate, recreate the situation in an enviroment that makes you feel safe. I assure you when the event comes it will less awkward, scary and unexpected.

Walls !

I used to think crying was a symptom of weakness. Then my life changed and I realized I wasn't able to control me and I would cry for the most unexpected reasons. I didn't cry with any movie, not even Bambi when I was a kid. After 2012 I discover Kleenex were a must when going to the movies. But it wasn't only the movies, it was everything. I guess I became a sensitive person, or that my show-feelings-control systems was shacked to a core. 

The thing is that working on rebuilding me I wanted to start again on my anti-cry wall but it turns out I couldn't. That was until yesterday. After all the emotions (and two failed attempts of killing my driver’s license teacher) I was feeling the anxiety attack coming, I could feel it in my stomach, my chest, my heart... So I immediately grabbed my sawing kit and start over a decoration project I had in mind in order to focus on something else. Then my husband made it home and all that pressure turned into the need of crying. 

I decided it was now or never. Crying will not express a feeling, the message was out, I wasn't even supposed to be sad! I really don't know how but I laid the first brick down, tiers stayed in for the night. In exchange I stayed up almost all night (I believe this is related not to the tiers thing but to the almost anxiety attack...) 

Rebuilding stuff is hard, but always keep in mind it is an opportunity to include all the changes you might need in order to live better. 

MY Guardian Angel

My dad had few issues with money in life. During his last days he had to be extremely careful with his expenses but he manage to always support my family and he paid for my education, including three years of studies in Paris. 

A few months after he passed away I was trying to get my finances in order when my banker told me my dad had open a bank account for me a few years ago. I started to cry and the poor guy couldn't understand why, he thought he was giving me great news. At that moment I could only think about my father, making such a huge effort to make sure I had some financial stability. I realize then there are no limits to the love a father has for their kids.

As you know I don't make any money where I am and we are having a hard time dealing with a lot of expenses since we got married. A couple of weeks ago I receive a letter from a different bank informing me they were going to charge me for some account opened under my name. I didn't knew I had an account there so I went there and found out I had another surprise from my dad. 

My dad keeps taking care of me two years after he is gone. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a guardian angel. I should be happy, I'm working on that. I'm just in shock for now and terribly missing him. I know at any moment I will burst into tears..

Killer shoes!

I woke up to a beautiful sunny day and I told myself, today no coat, no socks, hello spring!! I'm super cute, but my shoes are torturing me!! I don't know how I'm going to make back home... I might just have to stay here for ever!! I've been wearing this shoes for a few days I don't know why they are doing this to meeeee!!!!! I remember reading one day that wearing unconfortable shoes causes bad mood and stress. I couldn't agree more!!! 

Piece of advice: during season changes wear invisible socks... Save your feet!