Pretty me

Let me start with a song: “I am not a pretty girl that is not what I do. I’m no damsel in distress and I don’t need to be rescued”. 

I used to be a chubby, smart little girl. My parents although they had their concerns about my weight always focused on the importance of education. Since I was little I took extracurricular activities in order to become an intelligent person in the future. I hope it doesn’t sound tacky but I think I did well on that field and became an intelligent, interesting person to talk to. And it was because I worked hard. It also happened that I’m kind of cute…

To some, being pretty is a blessing; to me sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. Starting in college but mostly in my first job and even now I have to hear my colleagues making stupid assumptions. I remember one day I had hearing in court, I knew it will be tough because I had a lot of petitions  but I was ready, I had done my job and I could answer any questions and fight till I get want we needed in order to win this case. I had to face a very unprofessional judge who kept smiling at me, flirting with me before and after the hearing… But truly kept it serious during the hearing and I had to fight but he finally granted his permission to our demands.

When I came back to the office I explained my girl-colleagues how unprofessional this guy was before and after the hearing. The answer of one of them bugged me so much… “awesome, you manage to get it because your hot, good for you. I wish I could use my body to get people to agree on things”. The truth is I never thought he agreed to my petitions because he was interested on me until she said that. I told her her assumption bugged me and she couldn’t understand why it was so unsettling, she saw beauty as an asset. I do to but I don’t give a damn about external beauty, I’m more concern about what’s inside.

You might think I’m over reacting but I assure you this is not a onetime thing, it’s been like this for a long time. I could tell you about how an English colleague on his 70’s wrote a note for 86 lawyers about how meeting me was the most wonderful thing it happened to him and that the memory of me sipping a beer we’ll always accompany him… He didn’t mention a word on the article I had written… so it still bothers me sometimes. 

Today I went for coffee with the guys. They feel very free to say anything about everything in front of me and I appreciate that. Today the conversation was about how our the women at our firm were bug ugly, except me “of course, that’s out of the question, but you know that”. Right, because what you’re looking for in a lawyer is how pretty damn good he/she looks… Jesus!! You should see how (not) handsome these guys are. Funny, yes, smart, very, sexy hell no. And that’s ok for them, but not ok when it comes to us girls. 

Because you know, we have to be smart, pretty but not a lot so they won’t question why we manage to win a case, our nails and outfits should match at all times, must keep up with the news, the names of the clients and their nephews and at the same time make sure your being a great colleague and you remember the names of their wives, kids, dogs and where they were born.  

Ingredients for happiness

Good morning. I can barely open my eyes, I’m wondering how I was able to make it to the office, seriously… It must be the robot part of me, I’m programmed to get here under any circumstance. 

Last night, I was forced to go visit my husband’s aunt and uncle. They’re an old couple with no kids so when they heard we were moving to their town they were more than excited thinking we were going to be visiting every week. To be honest we haven’t been visiting that often… One of the reasons is that we are very independent; although we are glad to share quality time with the family we are fully aware that us, as a couple, need quality time with each other too. 

Anyway, so when I was finally free after working 7 hours but spending almost 9 at the office I was dragged to their home… They are adorable but they speak so much my head hurts, it really does. They speak so much and so fast… It’s like they fight for talking. I’ve never seen anything like that before and the only way I can stand it is by drinking a glass (or two) of wine. Well, last night I had three and went late to bed, as a result, it’s only 9.53 and I have to go back to bed.

The conclusion is that despite all that I’m glad we went there.. It made them happy. I’ve realize that the happiest persons are the ones that give themselves to others. Maybe it’s part of the recipe for happiness.

Her sadness was palpable

Last night I read the saddest post. It was from a girl whose dad passed away two years ago and by that time she decided not to see his dad in the coffin… Now she was regretting she didn’t. 

When it happened to me I knew I didn’t want to see my dad’s body. I didn’t want that memory, I wanted to remember the last time I saw him, even if it was at the hospital, he kissed me, said he loved me… That’s my dad, not the body lying on a coffin. I made my decision although a lot of people couldn’t understand it. My sister in particular tried to force me, I resisted and kept crying outside the freaking building. This decision is probably one of the few I made in my life that I don’t regret a beat, not for a second I’ve had second thoughts. 

I honestly believe when we pass, only the body passed, it becomes an empty casket and the traces of the person that lived in that body disappear. I have cried in front of my dad’s grave many times, including the day after my wedding when I went there to bring him flowers from my bouquet, but I knew he wasn’t there. I know my dad is taking care of us, I feel his presence, especially in church (Catholics believe that during celebrations all saints, angels and dead people from heaven, are present during the mass). That’s why even having huge doubts about my faith, which I steel have, being angry at God for playing me, for taking my dad away, I kept going to church. 

I tried to explain to that person that she made the right thing, that her dad was not in there, that he remained with her… And her honest answer was “I think I’ll regret it anyway if I had done it the other way. I just regret not having him here.” The amount of pain is so palpable… I can easily relate to what she’s saying and I truly hope she gets stronger as time goes by because there’s not really a way to make peace with it.

work and presents

There’s something worst than being held hostage during August at the office… Being held hostage and ALONE… J Nah, it’s just things are getting slow in here, it’s always the same with litigation teams because courts are closed during august therefore I find myself pretty unoccupied from time to time and listen this, I have to report what I do all 7 hours I’m at the office… So I should add a note on the report saying I spent time updating my blog, right, let’s see how that goes with human resources…

As we are getting closer to our first year wedding anniversary I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the present I’ll give to my man… And I found the perfect gift, which I will tell you more about it once he gets it. I don’t want to ruin the surprise in case he founds the blog. Yes, he knows I have a blog, that I use it as an escape and he understand that in order to feel free to write whatever goes thru my head he shouldn’t read it… 

Anyway, back to the present… Being the first year I wanted something special. I’m all about investing on experiences, like the trip I told you yesterday about, but for this special occasion I wanted him to have something just for him and something he will be able to use for life. I don’t know how I came up with the idea but I hope he will be as excited as I am for it myself. 

Bye guys, I’m going back to work!

Yes, why not?

I hate that feeling when you wake up tired… It’s like wasting a precious time… I remember (not long ago) when Fridays meant getting ready to party. Now, when it’s Friday I can only think about getting a nice long siesta and recover from the week. Perks of getting older I guess.. But this particular weekend we invested a great amount of time organizing a very exciting trip to Vienna in December.

If there’s something we like to invest in its traveling. You know what they say, travels is the only thing that you spend money on and makes you richer. And I couldn’t agree more. Seeing other cultures, witnessing other ways of life… It opens your eyes to new things, makes your perspective a little wider… I remember that before I spent one summer volunteering at the Firenze cathedral I was skeptical about the experience. We were a group of 12-15 persons from different ages, countries and religions, and we were going to spend all our days together… Showing the beautiful cathedral to the tourist from our own country.

What was so amazing about the experience is that it completely change me. I went there with so many preconceptions thinking my take on life was the only reasonable one… To be honest I wasn’t sure why I decided to go because a few days before the trip I was about to chicken out. Something took me there and the person coming back was totally different. I change my relation with my parents, I broke up with my toxic boyfriend and my life mantra became “yes why not?”.

Yes why not pushed me to accept any proposal that didn’t seem reckless or dangerous… And change my “no” to “yes. I opened myself to things I never thought I would and enjoyed every moment of it.

So if you can, pack your bags, go on a trip. If you can’t start saving! You’ll be compensated by far.